Collapsed
by DarthKripple
Summary: The things that finally break us are almost never huge things. A simple exchange of words from Bodyguard Katsuki Bakugou topples Idol Izuku Midoriya's barely balanced life. A simple breath against a house of cards brings down years of pain and loneliness. Trigger Warning for implied rape in chapter 1.


It was a strange life that Izuku Midoriya lead. As lead singer of a hot band Green Lighting, he hardly ever left the stage. At just 23 he had already managed to outlast projections of his stardom. He and his best friend Denki Kiminari got signed at 15 and had their first hit at 17. Izuku started this career path as a means to take care of his mother.

After nearly 6 years flying high, the crash was all Izuku thought about. He was sure he would wake up and all this, it would just be gone. He sat at greeting table deep in this distress when someone came up to ask for something. Izuku looked up, an easy smile on his face. A young man with blue hair greeted him with a horrified stare.

This might have put a younger Midoriya off, but Izuku was definitely a veteran of fan interactions. The screaming girls, obsessive fans who overshared. Men and some boys who swore they were there for sisters, daughters or girlfriends. He'd seen it all. He looked over at Denki who was plucking at a guitar in the corner of the booth they had set up.

The signing session was mostly over and fans had left to fill the concert hall. Here this guy was standing in front of Izuku, scared completely silent.

"Would you like an autograph?" Izuku's voice was as warm as he could make it. He had some strain because of the 4 straight days of 2 show concerts he'd done leading to his last show for this season.

"M-m-m-m-my-g-g-g-gir-" 

Izuku watched the man struggle a bit and stood up.

"Hey Denki, would you toss me a bottle of water?" Denki wordlessly tossed him a small bottle from the cooler they kept under the table. "Here, drink this and take deep breaths." Looking around as the young man took a drink, he turned a stool and put it beside his chair at the table.

"Sit here." He tapped the seat. "What's your name?"

"T-T-T-Tamaki Amajiki."

He reached out and took Tamaki's hand.

"See, I'm a person just like you. I'm not scary at all." He released Tamaki's hand and gathered some merch in front of him. Opening a marking pen he looked back into Tamaki's face.

"Y-y-you're a really nice-p-person."

"So," Izuku inserted after a small silence. "Would you like an autograph?"

"Yeah-ye-yeah for my girlfriend."

Izuku smiled. "Sure, who do I make it out to?" He signed a CD, a shirt and a tour hat. Then he looked at Tamaki again. "What about you, would you like an autograph for yourself?"

"I-I-that'd be c-c-cool. Could you s-s-s-sign a shirt?"

Izuku beamed at this request.

He signed; 'To Tamaki Amajiki, a brave young man. Best Wishes, Izuku Midoriya. Green Lightning.'

"Are you coming to the show?" Izuku asked.

"N-n-no. I can't handle crowds v-ver-very well."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He apologized for the discomfort of the question as much as Amajiki's inability to attend the show.

He turned quickly and fished a live concert CD from a merchandise box.

"Here, take this. It's a live concert version of this show. Well, not exactly this one, but it's pretty close to our set tonight. Please enjoy it on the house."

"Hey thanks." Tamaki took the CD, a bag of already paid for merch over his shoulder. Izuku watched him walk away holding the CD with both hands. Not taking his eyes off of it. He hoped Tamaki wouldn't bump in to anyone carelessly. Izuku got himself up and picked up a water for himself from the cooler.

Denki was still playing his guitar like he was trying to tune it. This was his "mess around guitar" the one for the concert was already set and ready. He smiled at how calm everything was. They were all tired. This was the end of the line for the tour. He would get to go home soon. He was dreading it to be honest. He'd been on the road with his band for eight months. Life was going to be terribly lonely soon. Especially since his mom had died last year.

Izuku had no life outside of this band after that. Though they'd taken time for him deal with everything, he'd refused to take any grief time. He'd thrown himself almost immediately into the tour. Denki was constantly worried about Izuku asking how he was and making sure he handled as much of the background heavy lifting as he could. He even took over more of the direct press interactions.

He was never as good at these as Izuku was. Izuku would fire a smile and answer questions like he was the most comfortable person in the room. It was part of the charm that helped fuel their rocket to stardom. Denki felt often that he was just along for the ride on the path that was really Izuku's. He didn't mind.

Forty-five minutes passed and Denki stood behind his boyhood friend helping put Izuku's monitors into the young man's ears. Izuku didn't like doing this himself because he had to run the wires through the back of his shirt. This made it impossible for him to pull them enough to properly set them in his ears. He'd torn a few sets and then asked Denki to help him with them. This became the last step before the climb of short stairs to the stage.

Izuku smiled down as the audio clicked in his monitors. He fired a thumbs up at Denki who smiled a big affirmative. Izuku turned and stepped quickly up the stairs and into the rush of crowd cheers. He didn't react. He just waited. He looked out at the crowd, his smiling face driving them crazy. Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. Then Denki's riff hit and like a bullet, Izuku Midoriya shot to his mic stand.

Sometime ago  
I keep losing track

of the game

Just three lyrics into the song he's lost. Izuku Midoriya no longer sees the crowd. He feels the words as his mind flashes thoughts from his heart. As he sings it becomes harder and harder to remember where he is. He likes that feeling. Each time he comes back to reality as a song ends, it's like he's been set back on earth, frozen in a strange afterglow.

"Tonight is our last show on the road. Let's make it a good one. Yeah?" Izuku says looking at Denki, who nods and smiles.

"Sure." Denki laughs off mic.

A cheer and then smattering of applause relaxes Izuku as he too smiles and laughs a bit on mic. He's catching his breath for the next song. Denki, like an obedient dog, will wait for Izuku's cue. A key phrase and hand motion to start playing.

"I'm ready for something a little bit different. How 'bout you?" Izuku says, the music hits perfectly as the crowd cheers. Then, once again, just a few lyrics in, Izuku Midoriya may as well have been in space. The show goes on for nearly three hours. Their normal run time was supposed to be two an a half, but last show fatigue dragged a few intermissions out.

When all was said and done though, the finale set went perfectly. The crowd was happy and so was Green Lightning. The band members all started to step back stage. There were other post show engagements to deal with. Izuku was the last to get off stage since someone had to help him walk safely down the steps. He would lose about five pounds of water a night while on stage. Even on his best night he never avoided the dehydration and numbness that would hit.

"And there. Drink up Mister Midoriya." The tour doctor teased. He'd hooked up an IV into Izuku's arm to put some fluids into him. This too was routine. Izuku had other problems too, but they had to remain a secret from everyone.

He started using drugs two years ago, to take the edge off, then for the energy and then to stop feeling sick. He rubbed his leg where his newest injection sites were and closed his eyes. He had to keep going. This was all he had. Denki needed him. Everyone on the tour crew needed him. They were his family.

"Hey Deku, are you ready to go?"

And then there was Katsuki Bakugou. The bouncer/bodyguard Denki had insisted they hire after Izuku had been stalked in a parking lot. They hired Bakugou at the recommendation of their friend Kirishima, who also happened to be their stage manager. In the first meeting, Izuku didn't get a good vibe to say the least. In fact, he was pretty certain that Katsuki didn't want to be there.

After eight months, Izuku was still unsure of how to read this man. Bakugou was nearly 30 and ripped to shreds with a near permanent resting angry face. Izuku did find him pretty cute though, not that he'd say anything. He had to protect his image in the press. When it came to romance or sex, it was much more complicated for Izuku. He didn't really like to be touched, like at all.

"Deku, I asked you a question."

Izuku snapped out of his drifting thoughts. He focused his face on Bakugou and smiled.

"Can't yet, still drinking." Izuku said with a slight chuckle to himself. He pointed his finger at the IV bag.

Bakugou just grumbled. He stood waiting for the man he called Deku. Deku was his quote code name unquote. It apparently meant useless or something. Izuku didn't care enough to bother about it. When the IV finished the doctor took care of it and tapped him on the shoulder, causing Izuku's whole body to tense slightly.

He stood up and started to walk to where he could get out of the building and to the SUV he traveled in. Bakugou followed behind in silence. It was only when Bakugou opened the back passenger-side door that he spoke again.

"Are you going to dinner?" Bakugou asked flatly.

'That's right there was a dinner for our last night on the road' He mostly put that out of his head somehow. Despite feeling tired though, he looked forward to spending this time with his band mates. Fumikage would actually be there this time instead of running off with the nearest availible girl and Denki and Eijiro were pretty great company.

"Yes, I would like to go."

Izuku heard his own voice when he spoke. It was a bit hoarse and that annoyed him. He'd have to drink some warm tea. He hated tea.

"Alright. Bakugou said shutting the door and getting into the driver's seat. Bakugou didn't seem to mind driving him around, which Izuku was grateful for. He liked car rides even if they didn't go anywhere. Just to go was sometimes important for the young man's sanity. He buckled in as the engine roared to life. He sank in his seat and closed his eyes, lying his head back.

"We have an hour, can we just drive a while?" Izuku asked. His eyes were still closed.

"If you're tired, we can go back to the hotel, Deku." Bakugou's voice was even, whether or not he was annoyed, it was hard to say.

"No. That's okay." Izuku responded coughing slightly.

Bakugou didn't say anything further. He just drove. Izuku listened to the soft rush of air and the purr of the engine, feeling himself finally relax. The next thing he knew the door on his side was being opened.

"Wake up sleeping beauty. It's time for dinner." Bakugou's face betrayed nothing, not contempt or humor in his words. Izuku groaned and rubbed his eyes. He slid from the vehicle rather than step properly. He had definitely fallen into a full sleep. He hadn't done that in three days. He shook his head and mashed his hand through his hair to wake himself.

He walked into the restaurant which they had all pooled together to buy out for the late evening. Fumi greeted him first, still in his black makeup. Fumikagi Takoyomi was the drummer for Green Lightning. Loud, big party guy and...he basically fucked anything that moved. It became contest between the band and crew which girls Fumi would take for the night. The man's sex exploits were legendary by this point. He never missed a chance to bang.

"Hey Fumi." Izuku greeted tiredly.

"I may have to bow out soon if you know what I mean. Last tour date and everything. Try not to cramp my style Mr. Mysterious and quiet."

Fumi slapped Izuku on his shoulder and Izuku tensed again, now more wide awake.

Fumi moved ahead to the table where Eijiro and Denki were already sitting. Several stage crew were here, a few tech guys and wardrobe people. Izuku recognized some of them. He felt bad for not being in touch with each of them, but this tour life was hard as it was.

"Hey Izuku, over here! You too Bakugou!"

Denki waved to the two men and pulled out a chair for Izuku and pointed to another where Bakugou could sit. Izuku walked over to the other end of the long table where Denki was sitting and sat beside him.

"Here. I already had them bring you some warm tea, I figured you might want some."

"Thanks Denki." Izuku said in barely a whisper.

"That was a great show tonight man! We were really on it! You had great cues all night."

"Thanks, but we went over."

"It was our last night brother. It was fine."

"It was great Izuku." Eijiro chimed in. "You really got into it tonight. I could hardly keep up."

Denki grabbed Izuku around his shoulders. This didn't cause him to tense. In fact, he felt comforted. Denki kissed him playfully on the head.

"You carry this band. Don't forget that little bro."

He couldn't.

Bakugou watched Izuku's reactions as he ate his dinner. Careful not to stare, but enough to take in his attitude and body language. His job as bodyguard was more or less replaced by something else over the last eight months. Not in reality, but in his mind, his job had somehow changed. He felt differently about Izuku Midoriya when they first met. After he got to know him though, Bakugou found him similar to himself. Reserved. Introspective. Izuku had qualities like charisma and an outgoing feel with excitement. However, when Izuku was off stage and away from entertainment, he seemed lonely to Bakugou.

A conversation suddenly broke the casual eating and small chats.

"Come on, are you serious?" Eijiro asked a laugh punctuating the question. "You literally just slept with a supermodel last night and now you're gonna bang some groupie?"

"Eijiro listen, you can't eat fillet Mingon every night." Fumi smiles evilly. "Sometimes you have to go to McDonald's."

Fumi's reply to Eijiro's question caused the entire table to erupt in laughter. Even Izuku had to cough out a half chewed piece of steak to avoid choking.

"Oh my god Fumi, you fucking whore." Izuku laughed

"Baby you know it." Fumi clicked his tongue and pointed playfully at Izuku.

Izuku shook his head, the smile on his face a strange relief to Bakugou.

The night rolled on and eventually everyone hugged and said their goodbyes. Everyone would be taking separate flights home in the morning, so this was it. The last gathering. Izuku agonized with each hug. He didn't want to leave this behind. He didn't want to be alone.

"Let's go." Izuku said quietly getting Bakugou's attention.

Bakugou grabbed his black leather jacket and slung it over his shoulder. He was dressed in all black. If you squinted just right in this late night darkness, he'd simply look like a floating head and arms. Izuku on the other hand had changed out of his stage wear into his green flannel and jeans. His worn gray t-shirt completing his vagabond look.

It took him a minute to step into the SUV having had a few drinks and being full. Bakugou was uncharacteristically quiet about this which went unnoticed by his employer. Once Izuku was convincing settled, Bakugou shut the door and got into the driver's seat.

"Back to the hotel, or do you want to drive awhile?" Bakugou's tone was still flat and direct.

"Back to the-" Izuku yawned hard. "hotel please-mmm-uhhh-"

The car spun up and began to move. Despite his tiredness and the fact that he'd drifted off earlier in the same setting, Izuku was wide awake. The further the day carried as more events passed, the more tense he felt.

Inzuku leaned his head on the window. The coolness helped him relax a little and he focused on the street lights passing by. He was jolted very suddenly when the car stopped.

"We're here Deku."

Izuku groaned as he unbuckled himself and waited for his bodyguard to open the door. This was procedure now. It'd taken Izuku several times of forgetting and having Bakugou lecture him before he finally conceded to something he thought was silly. He could open his own door.

"Whoa. Gotcha. Easy there okay?"

He almost felt out of the car, but Bakugou had easily helped him regain his balance. Izuku stepped out and reached for Bakugou's arm. The man steadied himself and made no noise in affirmative or negative about this. 'All part of the job I guess.' Izuku thought. He was going to miss Bakugou too. Even though he'd never wanted to hire the man, it was a good thing that he had.

They walked in silence to his hotel room door. They'd done this after every show. Neither was much for conversation when it came to the other. Bakugou slipped the card key into the door and then unexpectedly spoke.

"Do you mind if I come in Deku?"

Izuku blinked at him. Shocked, tired and also a bit confused.

"Sure, you can. Not sure I'll be good company. I'm pretty tired."

"This will just take a minute."

Izuku stepped int his room and looked longingly at his bed. He heard the door click shut and he turned to look at Bakugou. He didn't look much better than Izuku felt. To be fair, it was not helped by the one dim hotel lamp lighting his face.

"I wanted to ask you-" Bakugou cleared his throat. "I wanted to ask you if-"

Izuku watched this tense Bakugou like a hawk. Suddenly he felt scared and vunerable.

"I wanted to ask if we could see each other after the tour." Bakugou visibly swallowed and Izuku felt his own discomfort intensify.

"I really like you and I'd like us to be friends-i-if that's alright."

Something numb swept Izuku Midoriya then. He'd been through this enough. He knew exactly what Bakugou wanted. He swallowed the rush of fear and anxiety. Then Izuku began to work at the buttons of his green flannel shirt. He breathed out to try and clear his head.

"You want my body? Then just take what you want. I don't care." He saw the confusion flash on Bakugou's face. However, before he could even register fully and answer it, Bakugou slapped him. Not hard, but enough to make the point.

"Don't you fucking dare mock my feelings as if they're so shallow. Prick."

Izuku's own shock greeted his angry gaze. Clearly not expecting to be hit or hearing such icy words.

"Fuck you. You're not even a person anymore. I can't believe I fell for you."

Izuku Midoriya had always been able to read what people wanted. How did he get this so wrong. He rubbed his cheek and winced. Bakugou loved him? Did he even know what that meant? He heard the door click closed again as Bakugou left.

Izuku sat on the edge of the bed completely lost and confused. Bakugou was gay? Maybe he did just want to be friends, but he recognized the nervous reaction before. Someone else had spoken near those same words to him years ago. Someone who hadn't been so kind.

Izuku collected himself enough to slip into his bed but in the dark and quiet of his room he began to toss and turn. 'You're not even a person anymore.' This line kept hitting him over and over and over. He got angrier and angrier. Then finally he decided he'd had enough of tossing with these thoughts himself. With the rush from his anger, Izuku stepped out into the hallway walked next door to Bakugou's room and pounded on the door as loud as he could.

He heard the man's voice mumbling and confused from behind the door. As soon as the door opened Izuku pushed Bakugou back into the room. Then as the man fought for his balance, Izuku grabbed his shirt and swung him into the wall. Bakugou tried to react but his back had struck a support beam knocking most of the adrenalin from him, as well as his breath.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME OR ANYTHING?! I'M NOT A PERSON? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"

Izuku was inches from the man's face screaming loudly.

"I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR SEVEN FUCKING YEARS. YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR EIGHT MONTHS! EIGHT GODDAMN MONTHS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE DONE TO GET HERE AND HOW MUCH I FOUGHT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"

All that kept going through Izuku's head was how much he didn't want to be here. He didn't want to yell. He didn't want to be hurt. He wanted someone to put their arms around him and tell him it would be okay. He was scaring himself.

"I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. THIS WHOLE THING. THIS WHOLE FUCKING TOUR. IT WAS ALL ON ME. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF PRESSURE THAT IS?! NO! YOU WOULDN'T. I'M NOT A PERSON THOUGH."

'Please someone, I can't stop. Help me. Anyone.' The thoughts raced through his head and now his heart was in a war between anger and panic.

"I'M NOT A PER-SOOOOOON."

The tears that finally came broke the spell of rage and Izuku backed up from Bakugou's space looking completely terrified. As if he just woken up.

He left before Bakugou could even muster a word. Izuku went back to his room and went for his special bag under the bed. He needed to dose. He was already dope sick, but the emotional outburst caused the desire to flare. He shook a little but managed to get the needle into his leg. A full syringe.

It was far bigger than his usual dose. He knew that.

"I hate you….I hate you..." He was saying this to himself as his body became numb. He hated himself. He felt like garbage, like no one could see or hear him. When he slumped on the floor of his bathroom he had the strangest thought. 'At least the floor is cold.'

Then the room started to spin and Izuku snapped his eyes closed followed by another clear thought.

'Maybe I'll die. Maybe that's okay.'

This was the last thought before Izuku lost reality and fell unconscious.

"Denki, something's wrong with him, okay? You have to go check on him." Bakugou's words were restrained by the pain in his back or he would have been more demanding. Denki struggled to wake himself up.

It took nearly 15 minutes before either of them made it into Izuku's room. They entered quietly incase he was still upset, but straight on was the door to the bathroom. It didn't take more than a blink to see an arm and Izuku's head sprawled on the floor.

'Oh fuck' Denki thought.

"Call 911. NOW Katsuki." Denki was in the bathroom in a flash. Cradling his friend and helping spill vomit from his mouth so he didn't asphixiate. "What did you do little bro?" Denki groaned as he swiped at the young man's hair. Now very aware of the rolled back eyes. Izuku was in bad shape. He saw the syringe as he rocked Izuku a bit, more to comfort himself.

"An ambulance is on the way. Here. I can carry him."

"We shouldn't move him." Denki's pained voice caused reality to settle in more firmly for Bakugou.

'I did this to him?' the thought ripped through this bodyguard like a splash of ice water. It was agony seeing Izuku twitch, cough up saliva and breathe in panicked violent breaths. It lasted for too many minutes as both men watched helplessly.

The paramedics arrived and began to care for Izuku who remained unresponsive for the entire process despite the calls of his name from the paramedics. Denki was a complete mess over it and actually ended up having to be asked to leave.

Bakugou watched until they wheeled out the stretcher. Numb. Lost. This was his fault. This was all his fault. Everything just came apart all because he wanted to spend more time with Izuku as more than a bodyguard.

He didn't even realize when it had happened. Bakugou's life up to that point had been mostly directionless. He was good at his job, but he didn't have a life. He made money he put it away and had a small apartment with nothing in it.

He just didn't want to go home. He loved Izuku's company. He loved looking after him. He loved the way Izuku looked for his support without even asking him. He didn't know if that made him gay or not. He didn't find Izuku to be unattractive, but he wasn't really considering that.

When Deku had treated his feelings as though he was just an obsessed fan, it hurt Bakugou deeply. So he'd spoken in anger. Somehow that anger as sharp as it was, toppled the house of cards that Deku had perched atop for too long.

The space of time that had been so chaotic, finally settled in and pressed on Bakugou's chest. What if Deku died? Fuck, what if he was dead right now? Bakugou slid down beside the foot of the bed in Deku's hotel room and cried. He cried out of fear, sorrow and helpless anger.

"Please, just don't die." The silence that followed offered no comfort.

A/N: I'm not sure how much of this one I have in me. I know it doesn't end here.


End file.
